The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
