Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
