i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
