I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
