i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize