I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
