I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize