I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
