Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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