Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
