He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
