I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
