dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my being single is dangerous.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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