did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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