chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
