You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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