Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How external is "for external use only"?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
