We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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