It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
