i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
