I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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