mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Two words: blizzard sex
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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