yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
