you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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