Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
