we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
