I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
