Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
