My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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