why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
