i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I want is dick and wine.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
