the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
