I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
