sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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