i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
