I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
