Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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