Welp...herpes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
