I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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