I'm laying in your front yard are you home
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
