So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
