____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
