This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize