i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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