guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
