haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
