she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Floor bacon is actually really good
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
