final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Alive.
So much puke
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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