"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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