he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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