Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
