i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
