I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
