Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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