he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize