Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
