i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
