You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
