I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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