Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
