What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
