question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
