he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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