I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
