Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
