My friends, they love my intelligence
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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