The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
