Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
