You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
