Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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