i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
