Pappa wants mamma naked
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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