So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
