dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
