How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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