I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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