Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The best revenge is premature balding
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
