whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
