You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
