Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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