did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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