dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this just has baby written all over it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
