Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
