Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
