God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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