can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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