how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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