i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
