He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
