Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
