So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
