Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
