Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
