I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
