i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize