You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can you bring me the toilet please
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
